Jimmy Bullard: Man, myth, legend. Or maybe his own genre entirely.
He's the symbol for propa' football gone wild; all volleys and cockney swagger, belly laughs and roguish charm, that Phil Brown celebration, the dirty blond locks scampering down to his neck, consoling blokes from Walsall on Soccer AM because they missed out on a tenner, the sort of guy who shouts 'let's 'ave it' in his sleep.
There's plenty of that mischief as we chinwag about Barclaysmen, '80s rock, and Pep Guardiola. 'Do you know what, I don’t think none of them could be a Barclaysman!' is the initial retort when asked which modern star fits the nostalgic social media craze, before he confers the honour on one England player, who we'll revisit later.
But that's not what we're here for, not first of all. Because there's another side to Bullard. A tenderness, believe it or not. And a chunk of our conversation is actually about mental health.
Bullard was holding court after visiting the Scan and Scran Cafe, a pop-up started by Movember and Pringles, to chat with men about how they're doing. In the UK, one in five say they have never had a conversation about mental health and wouldn't know how to spot if a pal is struggling.
Jimmy Bullard is encouraging men to be more open about their mental health and visited the Scan and Scran Cafe set up by Movember and Pringles
The cult hero admits many of his team-mates struggled and outlined the extra pressures today
A former tradesman and perpetual jester, he knows that even 'hard and bolshy' men struggle
'A lot of the boys I played with struggled but never knew how to start the conversation,' Bullard tells Mail Sport.
'I come from a trades background (before football) and it’s about opening up. The cafe has been brilliant for talking. Why not talk about s*** times? We see tradesmen as hard and bolshy which isn’t always the way. I’ve had a lot of friends suffer, one thing leading into another and another and it’s a dark hole.'
He recognises the platform footballers have to drive change but admits the sport struggles to offer the right environment - sitting in a dressing room 'surrounded by 30 or 40 men' is hardly conducive to soul-bearing talks.
Dele Alli's heartbreaking interview last year showed how easy it is for suffering to go undetected. Brennan Johnson deleted Instagramto avoid abuse from fair-weather accounts which now sing his praise. Marcus Rashford has admitted his mental health struggles and with the spotlight regularly on every aspect of his life, it's no wonder.
'If I was managing Marcus now, I would say you just have to concentrate on your sport and not the world. Stay off social media. Batten down the hatches and concentrate on your game because that’s the way you get your game back on track, and then life feels a little bit better.
'Social media wasn’t so big when I was playing but it can be that. I see loads of boys getting hammered and getting abused, and that can happen in any walk of life.
'If you’re playing for a team that’s always on a negative and always has a drum against them, that's not easy. My way of dealing with it was not to read any negativity. And people would say you’ve got to face that. Well yeah, but not daily.
'Life is bigger than football. I used to play with some South American players and they were so free. It was lovely to see and be around. They lived life and if they lost 3-0, it wasn’t the end of the world as they could fix it the next game.'
He advises Marcus Rashford, who has admitted concerns in the past, to shut out his critics and stay off social media
Brennan Johnson has thrived since taking himself off Instagram, scoring five in five
Dele Alli spoke of his trauma in a brave interview last year, having been abused in his childhood and suffered mentally since
It's important not to trivialise these issues, and Bullard isn't. But there is something in the all-consuming identity of being an athlete which, one might assume, can make players susceptible to struggles when things go awry and that image is threatened.
Just look at how many footballers slump after retiring, whether that is with depression, addiction, even loneliness. Paul Merson lost £7million at the height of his gambling enslavement, and has admitted he even chanced his luck on Lithuanian under-20 basketball matches. Bullard admits he had 'grey mornings' after retiring when he questioned his purpose. David Ginola called it a 'little death'. When the football stops, what starts?
Bullard has kept himself busy. His is no armchair retirement. He's known to many for Soccer AM and I'm a Celebrity, less so for an ill-fated Tipping Point outing that saw him get the Euro 2016 hosts wrong and storm theatrically off the set.
His son, Archie, is trying to scale the greasy ladder of karting and racing, so that's been a big obsession of Bullard's. He recently had trials with British Formula 4 outfit Team Virtuosi. But this is sport's most expensive toll road, paved with pound signs.
Bullard's face lights up when he's asked about him. 'He’s got it to be some kind of single-car racer. Everyone’s dream is F1. You need some serious backing and money. We totally picked the wrong sport because the money is out of control!
‘So I’m trying to get him some funding and backing and fulfil his ambition. He will drive (professionally), I’ll tell you that now, because he’s got the pure talent and the drive.
'I saw that when I was in football – my drive was something else. I was at the door before my dad had got his keys, ready, my boots were clean, I was at it and just wanted to play football. He’s got that with his karting.
‘I just want to try and do what my dad done for me and give him as many opportunities as possible. But it’s real hard, racing, just because of the finances. So if there’s anyone out there that wants to back the next Lewis Hamilton of the world, this boy is the future so get in touch please!’
He calls his son Archie the 'next Lewis Hamilton' but admits getting funding is difficult
Bullard has kept himself busy with TV stints on Soccer AM and I'm A Celebrity among others
He hinted he would like to join former Soccer AM hosts Helen Chamberlain and Tim Lovejoy for an episode of Mail Sport's new podcast Soccer A-Z
Then there's the podcasting. In April he launched Bullard FC alongside former Soccer AM presenter John Fendley, or 'Fenners'. They're not the only former minstrels of the Saturday morning favourite to launch an audio venture - Tim Lovejoy and Helen Chamberlain have been fronting Mail Sport's hit podcast Soccer A-Z.
Perhaps he'd like to join. 'I've heard of it.' Good start.
'Tim Lovejoy and Hels started Soccer AM. They put it on the map with the team around them, Fenners, Tubesy, Sheephead, all them. Mate, crack on. I’m a big fan and I watch their stuff.
'They’re not copying me! Let’s get this right. Soccer AM was around before I was around and gave me a stage to really flourish. I probably wouldn’t be doing stuff like this if it wasn’t for Soccer AM so they can do whatever the heck they want. If anyone’s copying, it’s me copying with it!'
‘I love going on to podcasts and having a chinwag. Hels has got it perfect – she does it from home, boom, fires in, cherry on the cake.’
Chamberlain dials in for the podcast from her farm. Ten sheep, five dogs, alpacas, llamas, peacocks, ducks, and a donkey. What farm animal would Bullard be?
'A bear.' Don't put Bullard in charge of the school trips - that sounds like a scary farm. 'Actually, I'll say a llama.
'I just look like one! If you’re going to pick an animal out of the farm, a llama is a good-looking one!'
He played in the Premier League for Fulham, Wigan, and Hull and would love to do so today
Playing under Pep Guardiola would be a dream, but he 'wasn’t great at taking on information'
In truth, most llamas would do well to match Bullard's career, which peaked with him representing Wigan, Fulham, and Hull in the Premier League. Not bad for a lad who worked in construction straight out of school. He was also called up for England three times but didn't get on the grass.
You wonder where he'd fit in today. Football has moved on so much even since Bullard retired in 2013. Barring Roy Keane, he only ever had British managers, something which would be unthinkable for someone with a career of his longevity today. It's not long since Southampton had four bosses of different nationalities in under a year.
'I’d love to play now. City. They’re domination, total. Brighton are good, they’ve got a style that they own. I love any team that when you watch, you know what style you’re gonna get.
‘I can play! But I wasn’t great at taking on information. I was just a bit: “p*** off, let me do it myself, I can do this my way.” But I would have loved to played for a manager like that, let’s have it right. Guardiola, Slot, Arteta, I’d have loved to play in a big club.
‘Football has changed. It’s commercialised in the stadium. I went Chelsea-Fulham not long ago. Don’t get me wrong, even though it’s a derby, it’s quiet. I was thinking, "mate, where’s the songs?"
'I don’t know if I was in the wrong stand but it seemed like it was a friendly game! It wasn’t what I was expecting. Football is very commercialised and it’s all about money, getting bums on seats.
‘Defenders have got more up to speed. Defenders didn’t have pace 20 years ago! Back in the day, strikers were rapid and they were better footballers than defenders.
'Now the defenders have gone up, now 1 vs 1s it’s a lot harder to get past one or two. Gone are the days when Messi was taking on six or seven. It’s about moving the ball because everyone is so good now. Football players have just got so good now.
‘You still have your gems, your pukka players. Like (Erling) Haaland is just a beast in a different way. An absolute mountain of the man, a machine. People will say he doesn’t get on the ball but no, goals, machine.’
Aaron Ramsdale earns the tag of 'Barclaysman' in Bullard's estimation - not many do today
And there is time for one Barclaysman. For the uninitiated, Barclaysmen are essentially players from when Barclays sponsored the Premier League from 2001-2016 who, without being elite, invoke a sense of nostalgia. Think Hugo Rodallega, Morten Gamst Pedersen, Rory Delap, Yakubu, Niko Kranjcar, that sort.
'The game has moved on from the Barclaysman. That’s what the Barclaysman is all about!
‘But do you know what? (Aaron) Ramsdale. He’s just got something about him, robust, come from lower leagues, cracked it in the Prem, great lad, character, everything a Barclaysman would be.'
For a clip of his own Barclays highlights, he says he'd like the soundtrack to be Here I Go Again by Whitesnake from 1982. On brand, he sings us the chorus unprompted.
Jimmy Bullard has partnered with Pringles and Movember to get the nation checking in on their mates. Need help reaching out to someone who is struggling? You can now scan the QR code in Mr P’s iconic moustache on select Pringles tubes for help starting the conversation.