I’ve been thinking a lot about this. Two people with similar lives can feel very different - one grateful, the other like a failure. The difference isn’t in their lives, but in how they measure themselves.
There are two ways to evaluate yourself: socially, comparing to others, or temporally, comparing to your past. Research shows that when people want to feel good, they favor looking back. But social media has made comparing to others the default, often leading to misery.
Social media reveals only the highlight reels of others’ lives, creating unrealistic comparisons. A study found that this leads to lower self-esteem and more depression. Another analysis showed a strong negative link between social comparison and wellbeing.
The person who feels successful at 37 looks backward, not sideways. They see how far they’ve come, not what others have. This is called temporal comparison, and it reflects real growth - even if it’s not visible on social media.
Survivorship bias makes things worse. Social media showcases only successes, not the struggles behind them. Comparing your full life to curated posts is like self-sabotage with an algorithm.
At 37, traditional markers of success like marriage and career often align with social media’s focus. But the key is to ask: Compared to what? If it’s online, you’re using a broken tool. If it’s your past, the picture changes.
Most people are doing better now than they were five years ago. The trajectory is usually upward. The difference is the direction you look. Gratitude comes from seeing your own progress, not others’ highlights.