Two weeks before starting chemotherapy for breast cancer, Arathi Devandran had 30 minutes to decide whether to undergo fertility preservation. The choice led to 12 difficult days of treatment and 12 frozen embryos.
After a breast cancer diagnosis at 31, Devandran underwent fertility preservation, giving her future self the possibility of becoming a mother.
It was New Year's Eve 2022 when her doctor told her she had 30 minutes to make the call. She was still recovering from two surgeries to remove a lump in her left breast.
Motherhood is an act of imagining forward, says Devandran. It asks you to believe in a future where you will be there.
She had never known if she wanted to be a mother, citing a complicated relationship with her own mother. But her husband had always wanted to be a father.
The 12 days of fertility treatment were some of the hardest. She injected hormones up to three times daily and endured a painful egg extraction.
Now 35, she is on long-term hormonal therapy. Twelve frozen embryos wait in a lab. The question of what comes next remains open.
Devandran says her decision gave her the possibility of being conflicted about motherhood. For now, that is enough.