Actress Kimberley Nixon is releasing her memoir, "She Seems Fine to Me," detailing her terrifying experience with perinatal obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The book chronicles the dark, intrusive thoughts she faced after her son's birth, centered on harming him.
Nixon, known for her roles in "Fresh Meat" and "Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging," found herself in a dark place following her son's arrival. The pandemic, coupled with a history of infertility and IVF, exacerbated her vulnerability.
She describes losing herself, fearing for her baby's safety, and experiencing suicidal ideation. "It was bizarre because I’d read so much about instantly falling in love with your baby. What were they talking about? I felt the crushing weight of responsibility," Nixon recounts.
Her hospital stay was a "waking nightmare," including her son's transfer to special care and strict COVID-19 restrictions separating them. Upon returning home, Nixon experienced severe anxiety, second-guessing every decision and imagining various dangers to her son.
Nixon credits Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, which she funded herself, as crucial to her recovery. She also highlights the unwavering support of her husband and the unexpected power of sharing her story on Instagram.
"Mental illness thrives in the dark," Nixon states. "Your OCD tells you that you’re a terrible person, and people only like you because they don’t know the ‘real you.’" Opening up online and in her book became a "biggest fuck you to OCD."
Recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD, Nixon notes a significant crossover with OCD, providing further insight into her thought processes. She emphasizes that recovery doesn't mean returning to her past self but rather building strength and happiness.
"If all this hadn’t happened, my son wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t have written a book, I wouldn’t have found out so much about how my brain works. I’m so much happier for it," she concludes.